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Tuesday, September 27, 2016

dear younger me

A few weeks ago I heard the Mercy Me song "Dear Younger Me" in the car as I drove home from taking Milly to preschool. I've heard it before but this time, being alone in a quite car, it really hit me. It spoke to me. I even got a little teary eyed thinking about my younger self. Since hearing the song I have gone over and over in my head what I would say to my younger self and for some reason the words just are not there. 

"Dear younger me, where do I start
If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far then you could be
One step ahead
Of all the painful memories still running thru my head
I wonder how much different things would be
Dear younger me,"

Yes I have definitely been through things that I wish I hadn't, made choices I wish that I would have thought longer about but all of that got me here, right? All of the trials in life cannot be for nothing. They are all moments of growth no matter how hard they may seem. So I'm not sure I wouldn't have told myself to change any of that...

"Dear younger me, I cannot decide
do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life
Or do I go deep and try to change
The choices that you'll make cuz they're choices that made me
Even though I love this crazy life
Sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride
Dear younger me,"

If I had to choose any moment to change, it would have been when I strayed from my faith as a young college student. When I needed God the most I relied on him the least. I will be forever thankful for a Heavenly Father that is always welcoming us back with open arms. 

"If I knew then what I know now 
Condemnation would've had no power
My joy my pain wouldn't never been my worth
If I knew then what I know now
Wouldn't not been hard to figure out
What I would've changed if I had heard

Dear younger me
It's not your fault
You were never meant to carry this beyond the cross..."

I would tell myself that..."you were never meant to carry this beyond the cross." That verse left me sitting in my car with tears. Years of guilt that have weighed on my shoulders being lifted. "It's not your fault." We are only human...we are only capable of so much and sin will always be part of that. We are sinners needing forgiveness. Embrace that and never ever forget it. That's what I would tell myself.



Dear younger me,

Love this life! Love every.single.second because it goes by way to fast. Kiss your family, snuggle on the couch for no reason at all. Squeeze the people you love a little more tighter every time you see them. 

Send letters to those far away just so they know you are thinking about them

Love your Lord more then you think you could possibly love anyone. Even that will only be a fraction of how much he loves you. Start to listen to the little voice in your head. It's from a higher being and will be the best guide in your life. 

Most importantly, when you start to doubt this life you have chosen remember the most important thing...you did not chose it. It was chosen just for you. Understanding why isn't up to you. Living it to the fullest potential is.

Love,
Your older and wiser self




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