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Friday, January 30, 2015

midnight realization


Last night Cameron and I watched the series finale to our favorite show Parenthood. 


I am seriously heartbroken this show isn't on anymore. It was our absolute favorite and such a great show to have on TV these days. The ending was perfect. I loved it so much I'm going to watch it again today while Amelia naps ;)

So we didn't get to bed until around 10:30 because after the show, Cam and I of course had to talk about it! Around 11:30 p.m. I heard a little voice over the baby monitor say "help mommy more laguwa pweeze" which is code for she needs water ;) So I went to her room, gave her water after which she pointed to the bed in there and said "sleep mommy pweeze." Seriously...how could I resist that. So we hopped into bed to which I discovered the real reason she woke up...coughing. She was coughing so much that neither of us could sleep. I got the humidifier going, rubbed vicks on her chest and back and gave her Zarabees cough syrup. I thought for sure that would do the trick. 

Nope.

She continued to cough for what felt like hours before she sat up and said "Mommy I play ninja turtles pweeze." I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep. Like seriously sleep. So I turned on the lamp (insert small attitude) got her off the bed and let her play next to me while I closed my eyes. A few minutes later (the medicine was kicking in ) she was staring at my face with 3 ninja turtles in her hand so I pulled her up in bed and her little body curved right into mine. I knew she was sleepy and her coughing had stopped...thankfully. With the light still on I propped myself up a little and lightly brushed her blonde curls off her face and just stared at her while her eyes were closed.

Then it happened. 

I heard a voice very clearly say 

It's not about you

Yes I was tired and all I wanted to do was sleep (insert another small attitude) but hearing that voice cleared my heart.

It's not about you

She needed me tonight to sleep. She was helpless and couldn't make herself not cough...she needed me to help her. How in the world could I have an attitude about that? My mind started racing on how many times I've been selfish in moments when my kids needed me but I wanted to fulfill my own needs.

It's not about you

My heart sank. All I have ever wanted was to be a mom. Literally...that's all. I've been given 3 precious children to fulfill this dream yet am I really truly taking all advantage of this gift? Most of the time yes...especially when it's easy. But in the night, when they are vulnerable and need me am I forgetting what being in service to others really is?

It's not about you

I continued to stare at her sweet face until she was in a deep sleep. I prayed to God and thanked him for this sign because I know it came from him. He spoke to me and told me exactly what I needed to hear...not just for this moment, but for other things in my life I've been struggling with lately. 

I fell asleep and Amelia and I slept perfect the rest of the night. I woke up refreshed, feeling like a new person, a new mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend.

It's not about you

If we still our bodies and minds and really listen (my word for the year) God will speak to us and guide us. I fully in all my heart believe he spoke to me last night. It was one of the clearest things I have ever heard. It changed my heart. 


Give him the chance to change your's too.

1 comments:

  1. Awe, you have always been such a giving mom and friend! You are such a great example to others sweet friend!!!

    ReplyDelete